


It's Not a Date

by make_your_user_a_name



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel Makes a Deal with The Shadow (Supernatural), Episode: s15e14 Last Holiday, First Dates, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sort Of, but - Freeform, i'm kidding it doesn't really fix anything, jUST IMAGINE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26916415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/make_your_user_a_name/pseuds/make_your_user_a_name
Summary: “You ready for your date tonight?” Mrs. Butters said cheerfully.And Dean almost choked on, well, nothing. His throat got tight and he went into a coughing fit, red rising in his cheeks.“Date?” Sam said from behind him. “That why you dressed so carefully, man?”“Not a date,” he forced out, looking between Sam and the nymph.“Where are you going?” Jack asked. Dean looked up at him, holding his eyes for a second, trying to let the love and pride he felt for him overtake the anger. It didn’t work.“To see Cas. He’s a couple towns over and I just want to check in. It’s been a while since we’ve seen him, you know?” He tried to keep his voice steady. Because this was definitely not a date. He and Cas would never go on a date. Just wasn’t in the cards.“Why can’t we come?” Jack asked. And Dean hated that he sounded so innocent, so earnest, spouting off about shit he would never understand. But he also wanted to let him stay like this. Engaged, alive, bright-eyed and not bogged down by the trauma he’d been through.“Yeah, Dean. You sure it’s not a date?” Sam said with a smirk.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 17
Kudos: 123





	It's Not a Date

Dean looked in the mirror one last time. He hadn’t really dressed up. Well, there was no reason to. But he’d also spent almost an hour now trying on different flannels and standing in front of the mirror to see how they looked. But that didn’t matter.

When he walked into the map room, he immediately looked down. Jack was next to Mrs. Butters, his stance set and his hands hanging almost too still at his side. Something was wrong, Dean could see that. But he couldn’t- no, he wouldn’t talk to him about it. It was all he could do not to yell at the kid when he looked at him. Which wasn’t fair, of course. But he just needed a little more time. 

“You ready for your date tonight?” Mrs. Butters said cheerfully. 

And Dean almost choked on, well, nothing. His throat got tight and he went into a coughing fit, red rising in his cheeks. 

“Date?” Sam said from behind him. “That why you dressed so carefully, man?”

“Not a date,” he forced out, looking between Sam and the nymph. 

“Where are you going?” Jack asked. Dean looked up at him, holding his eyes for a second, trying to let the love and pride he felt for him overtake the anger. It didn’t work. 

“To see Cas. He’s a couple towns over and I just want to check in. It’s been a while since we’ve seen him, you know?” He tried to keep his voice steady. Because this was definitely _not a date_. He and Cas would never go on a date. Just wasn’t in the cards. 

“Why can’t we come?” Jack asked. And Dean hated that he sounded so innocent, so earnest, spouting off about shit he would never understand. But he also wanted to let him stay like this. Engaged, alive, bright-eyed and not bogged down by the trauma he’d been through. 

“Yeah, Dean. You sure it’s not a date?” Sam said with a smirk. 

Dean should have punched him. Would have served him right too. But he, through some miracle, restrained himself. 

“Shut up, Sammy.” 

“So, what,” Sam continued, and Dean rolled his eyes. Great. He was gonna push this. “You and Cas are just grabbing dinner or something? Heavy on the something.” 

“You guys can tag along, whatever,” he grumbled. And he hated himself for how much he wanted them to say no. How much he wanted to be alone with Cas, to just relax. 

He risked a glance up at Sam and saw his brother’s eyes soften. “Nah, Jack and I will stay here and help Mrs. Butters. You have fun.” 

Mrs. Butters had been quiet for most of the conversation, but as Dean turned to leave, she put a hand on his arm, stopping him. “It’s not a date?” 

He rolled his eyes. “No. Cas is our best friend.” 

“You don’t talk about him like he’s a best friend.” 

Sam snorted and he felt Jack shift next to him. Well, at least he was becoming transparent enough that a woman (nymph?) who had known them a week could tell he was in love. That was a bonus. 

“He’s my best friend,” he said firmly, before walking from the room. They could speculate all they wanted, could laugh at his stupidity, at his idiot puppy-dog love. It wouldn’t change the facts. This wasn’t just a crush, or whatever the hell they thought it was. He was in love with Cas. And Cas would never love him back. Hilarious. 

He got behind Baby’s wheel and took a deep breath. He had no idea how to sort through his emotions. Like he’d told Sam he was a picture of health. A picture of health with anger and guilt and love and pride and hurt and fear all swirling around to paint one grizzled old hunter. 

He took another deep breath and started the engine. Talking to Cas, that would help. It always did. 

He may have stretched the truth a little when he said Cas was a few towns over. It was actually around a four and a half hour drive. But it wasn’t like he was needed at the bunker… what could go wrong while he was gone?

It was around eight when he got to the shoddy motel. He texted Cas and waited anxiously for the angel to come outside. When he did, he couldn’t help the smile that immediately fixed itself to his face. God, he was helpless. 

He had himself more or less under control when Cas got in the passenger seat. For one fleeting moment, Dean considered reaching out and taking his hand. Because Sam and Jack were miles away. No one needed to know. But he didn’t need to see the confusion, the disappointment, the disgust on Cas’ face. So he kept his hands to himself. 

“Hey, Cas.” 

“Hello, Dean.” 

He smiled again and started the car. It was easier to get air, somehow, with Cas here. It was something he didn’t even notice when the angel was gone. But as soon as he was with him, his chest felt less constricted, his mind felt clearer, everything felt right. 

They drove in silence to a small diner. Dean didn’t even realize until they got there that he hadn’t put music on like he normally would, but he hadn’t wanted to. He liked the silence with Cas there. 

Dean ordered for both of them--burgers, fries, and coffee--and they sat at a booth in the back. 

“How’s the search for God’s sister going?” 

“Not well,” Cas responded gravely. “Maybe we should focus more on Billie’s plan. I’ve been thinking about returning to the bunker.” 

Dean felt his heart flutter at that, but he just nodded. “Of course, man. Whatever you think is best.” 

Their conversation drifted after that. Cas was worried about Jack. And Dean was too, but he didn’t let the conversation linger there for too long. It was too much, and Cas seemed to sense it too. He always understood. 

He tried to focus on the words, on Cas, but his mind couldn’t stop drifting back to the bunker. Back to, _You sure it’s not a date?_ Because, really, how hard would it be for this to be a date? Everything was so easy, so natural, it would just be one step further. Wouldn’t change a thing, really. 

Dean shoved the rest of his burger in his mouth, not caring how messy it was. Just trying to stop that train of thought. Because that one step further, that’s what would lose Cas to him forever. Cas didn’t love him back. He repeated it over and over in his mind until he realized Cas had asked him something. 

“What?” 

“Are you okay, Dean? You seem distracted.” Cas took a sip of his coffee and grimaced, immediately setting it back down. 

“Just thinking about something Sam said.” 

Dammit. Why did Cas always bring out the honest man in him?

“What did Sam say?” Cas had leaned forward now, his hands crossed on the table in front of him. Dean let his eyes linger on them for a minute before looking up to meet Cas’ eyes. 

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it, man.” 

Cas rolled his eyes, an action that still looked foreign on him, and sighed. “Dean.” 

“He said-” God, he was really gonna do this. That was not the plan for tonight. “He said that we were going on a date.” The words felt clumsy coming out of his mouth and he immediately wished he went back to being the picture of health, to keeping everything inside him. But after Purgatory… he owed it to Cas to do better. 

“Do you want this to be a date, Dean?” Cas said seriously. 

Dean choked on his coffee, coughing until they got dirty looks from the only other man in the diner this late. 

“What?” he finally sputtered. 

Cas didn’t answer, just looked at him, one eyebrow raised. And it should have made Dean want to bolt. Should have made him terrified, ashamed, confused, but it didn’t. Instead he just felt safe. 

“Yeah,” he said finally. “I do.” He raised his chin defiantly, ready for the rejection, for Cas’ face to fall. And it did. But not in the way he thought it would. He looked scared, his eyes filling with tears. 

Dean immediately backtracked. “Hey, man, we don’t have to do anything with this. I can’t- I don’t wanna lose you. It was stupid anyway. I didn’t even-” 

“Dean.” 

He stopped, his mind spiraling but his body completely still. 

“I can’t.” A single tear tracked down Cas’ face and he resisted the urge to reach across the table and wipe it away. “I made a deal.” 

“You what?” He felt a familiar emotion fill him. One he knew, one he could hold on to. Anger. He let the red cloud his vision and everything else faded away. 

“With the Empty. To save Jack. When I’m happy,” Cas took a deep breath and Dean felt a pang of sadness ring through the anger, but he ignored it. He couldn’t deal with that. Anger, he knew. “When I’m happy, I’ll die. And you… you would make me happy.” 

“What the hell, Cas? You could have told us. We could have gotten you out of this. Hell,” he slammed his hand on the table, trying to ignore Cas’ face when he flinched. “We will get you out of this.” 

He pulled his wallet from his pocket and threw some bills on the table before standing. He stood there for a second, looking into Cas’ eyes, his chest heaving. “I’m gonna get you out of it,” he spat, before stalking away. 

Cas called after him, but he ignored it. His shoulders were tight and he felt almost like he was shaking. But in a way, it was nice. The anger that filled him. It was easier. Far easier than dealing with everything else he felt right now. 

He got behind the wheel and gripped it tightly, his knuckles going white. He had four and a half hours to control himself. To get his anger in check before Sam saw him and read him like an open book. 

He took one last deep breath, pushing down the sadness, the love, the look of hopelessness on Cas’ face, and then started the car. Then he started for home. 

Briefly, he hoped Sam and Jack were okay. Then he shrugged. What could have possibly gone wrong while he was gone?

**Author's Note:**

> one of these days i'll be able to avoid angst but


End file.
